Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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