She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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