Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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