I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize