I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
