I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
