they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
