I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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