The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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