I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
