Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize