I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
