I seem to have left my pride at pride
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i think my cat just said my name.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
