I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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