i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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