Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
