if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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