dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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