I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize