I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
