Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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