If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My penis needs a shock collar
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
