I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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