physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
