walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
