so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
