There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
