In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize