even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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