I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
