i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
it's like iHOP with fire
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
