i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
