dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize