"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
