just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
