Tell her she can't have a vagina
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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