apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Terrible idea I love it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize