Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
