Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
