Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize