I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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