did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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