ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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