I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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