Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
