I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
