you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
