i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
