I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
