You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
