if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
