i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
