wanna go halves on a baby?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
