It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
