yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize