Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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