you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
