just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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