The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
