i already hear my dad disowning me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
