Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
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