i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I want her autograph on my taint
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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