everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
