All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
