all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
