he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
