It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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