your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
