I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
All I want is dick and wine.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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