i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize