Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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