Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
