you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
