Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
