This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize