The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
