Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
