so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
