Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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