Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
