margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
