Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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