I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
