How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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