Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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