Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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