Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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