You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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