I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
