I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
