Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
