he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
