My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
