My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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