Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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