I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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