I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
