Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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