The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
