Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
