I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
