Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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