i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
