That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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