You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize