i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
