My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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