You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
