oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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